Tag Archive | universe

You will be tested repeatedly until you learn the lesson intended!

 I saw this post on Instagram. I love posts that make you think. 

This one spoke to me because something recently happened to me the weekend just gone that made my husband question me in a similar fashion to this post.

He was upset about what happened and asked me if I was angered or upset by this particular incident.

I will not be going into detail about what happened (I know so unlike me hahahaha) but I will say the reason I was unaffected by what happened.

I’ve reached a point in my life where most people and most situations can’t effect me negatively. Too much has happened in my life to let the negative actions and behaviour of others bring me down.

I know that I am responsible for my own happiness and in knowing this not only does it give me a great sense of strength it has helped me grow immensely.

Not so many years ago I would have let the situation make me angry, bitter, resentful but not anymore. I gave myself roughly 5 minutes maybe less to mourn the experience or to let out the anger then I put all the negative energy in a balloon and let it go (one of my favourite metaphors and favourite things to do when im angry). 

Once that balloon was gone, so where all the emotions inside it. It was that easy. Granted it wasn’t always that easy it took years of training but was certainly worth it.

Thankfully no longer the “victim” of my own circumstances or life, this “victor” always has a plan b and the weekend turned into the perfect weekend filled with such love, laughter and happiness that I forgot to write this post until I was reminded this morning by that very Instagram post.

Every day I’m tested by something or someone new and finally after years of losing, I’m winning! They say the universe will repeatedly put us in the same situation or will give us the same test over and over again until we finally learn the lesson intended.

Needless to say…lesson learnt!


Gone forever…RIP Baby Sister

Another morning. I wake up and realise this is my life now? I look out the window and cars whirr by, the trees sway, the hustle and bustle still goes on. I could have sworn that the world would have stopped by now.I want to look out the window and see the apocalypse has finally arrived. 
People keep telling me “remember all the good times” as if thats enough. You were only 21 years old there wasn’t enough good memories, I need more. 


Cerise and I laughing through the pain. (I was recovering from PR in this pic my body was burning and in pain but she kept me laughing)

Amarie is confused and just wants you back. Sj will never understand. They are too young to have lost you.
Mum is trying hard not to lose her mind. The way she grips here hands its almost like she is physically trying to hold it in place. 


Cerise & Mummy

Me. I hate you. You left me all alone. Practically every time I saw your big bug eyes, big lips, over grown giant, mudblood self I would squeeze you and tell you despite your obvious deformities, ok your obvious beauty that I envied so much that I loved you and could never live without you.


Cerise & I

How dare you not hold on? How dare you not fight? How dare you save me over and over again to eventually leave me, before me, too young, too quick.
Life is not fair. We can all say that and not truly understand what that means until something like this happens. 
People keep telling me I am in shock that it will soon wear off. How?

How can I EVER accept that you are gone now and NEVER coming back.
Look at the mess you have left behind! I actually hate you so much right now because I loved you so hard all your life. 
All your life. That alone sounds ridiculous. What life? 21 years? Thats not life. Thats a preview. 
People want to tell me that God took you home. 

They don’t know and understand we are non believers.

We used to believe in the universe. I can’t even believe in that anymore. 

What did I do that was so wrong that the universe had to take you away from me?

What did Katy do?

Are you watching us right now? Have you seen Katie? She is almost unrecognisable. 

She is broken. It looks as if sellotape is holding her together. Fragile. 

Katie & Cerise

Have you seen our sisters? Tasha cried! Cheryl cried! Like you they NEVER cry! They cried and what was left of my heart crumbled and fell to pieces. 


Tasha, Cheryl, Cerise and I

Shaun wouldn’t want me to mention him but at this point theres not a lot I care about ‘airs and graces’ Shaun is fragile too. He is trying his best to be my husband but he lost his best friend. His sister in law. His partner in crime. 
I will never understand this. No book, google search, therapist, sign; nothing will give me clarity or understanding. 
When you saw the light or whatever it was you should have run away from it with all your strength. 
If I knew when you waved goodbye from your car that was the last time I was going to see you I would have jumped in and chained myself to you and never let you go. 
All I can hear is that stupid song you always listened to in your car ‘No air’ I say stupid because I never quite understood it. Now I do because I can’t breathe without you.
I loved you so much. 

When relationships break down (hurting your ex-partner, your children and yourself in the process)

Someone I love is going through a very difficult and potentially traumatic experience. Someone is putting this person through the ringer and more to come no doubt in the name of love – with love being the past tense.
A relationship broke down. Person X admitted they no longer had feelings past friendship for Person Y. Person X wanted out of the relationship but wanted to amicably discuss their future plans for their home and children.

Person Y basically gave person X an ultimatum ‘you either have me and the kids OR I will do everything in my power to take you for everything you got!”

These are two grown people, well the way I look at it only Person X is grown, Person Y is acting like a child. 

Person Y decided to make up false claims about Person X, claiming their whole relationship was a sham; claimed Person X was extremely violent & abusive towards them throughout the relationship, claimed Person X never cared for their kids emotionally, physically or financially. The list goes on.

Even though Person Y is financially stable via their family this person decided to take Person X to court and take the family home which had always been in Person X name (who my I add worked extremely hard all their life to obtain this home). Person Y won said home.
The whole time Person Y portrayed this helpless damsel in distress routine to the solicitors and the courts, meanwhile back at home she would verbally abuse and torment Person X about how & why they were going to win the case. Questionably person Y although claiming abuse and fearing for their life also invited person X to a family holiday, again while court proceedings were going ahead.

Confused much? So are me and Person X if your partner is abusive why in the middle of a case would you invite them to come on holiday?

Furthermore when the case was being finalised instead of being satisfied Person X being asked to leave the home almost immediately, person Y actually negotiated instead that Person X could stay on at the home for a further 4 months so that they could be around for the children’s birthday’s.

Again – confused much? What alleged abused person negotiates like this?
Person X who I love asked me how women can be so cold, manipulating and evil? Person X asked me what Person Y hoped to achieve by being so calculating and evil.

Person X wanted answers. Wanted to know when things were going to stop or at the very least change. Person X knows I have been through something similar regarding manipulative people and wanted to know were they going to be alright.
Honestly I don’t have all the answers but what I do know is although I have very much moved past, and moved on from all the bullshit my family and I were put through I admit that I am still traumatised by it all and perhaps I will unfortunately will be forever.
It both saddens and hurts me to see someone close to me go through something like this. What happened to me I can put my hands up and say, you know what most of it was my fault. I saw things happening or coming and I let them play out anyways. Person X didnt see this coming at all, whereas I believe Person Y had a plan all along like most manipulative bitches do!
I told Person X that Person Y is doing all that they are doing because they obviously although try to hide it, still harbour strong feelings towards Person X. Why else would you put so much energy into attempting to hurt someone? Contrary to what most people think or say; causing pain especially emotional pain rarely comes out of pure hate but the opposite.
I told Person X about the story of Aries and I. Long story short; madly in love for 2 years, had a disagreement, stopped talking for FOUR YEARS when fate brought us back together again Aries admitted she didn’t stop talking to me out of pure hate, didn’t punish me from hate either but because she loved me and was just to prideful to admit it at the time, and felt so strongly about me that her passion would often be mistaken for aggression, possessiveness and jealousy. 
I don’t want to say it is only women that act like this because I am quite sure (out of experience) that men can also behave in such a manner when they have been hurt or lets say “provoked”. However its so unnecessary.
This is yet another situation where I feel sorry for the children involved because sooner or later when they grow up, they will see Person Y for who they truly are and how are they going to feel knowing the truth about what Y did to X just to spite that person? I also believe that person Y is bringing up this children and setting a terrible example. This person is teaching the children it is ok to lie to get what you want and hurt people on purpose. What a class act.
I don’t have all the answers but one thing I did and will continue to repeat to Person X is ‘have faith! Whether you believe in God, Destiny or like I do all things universal; Karma will catch up with person Y’

I have seen it happen multiple times. The person who hurt me the most in recent years unfortunately for them continues to receive KARMA sometimes so harsh even I almost feel bad then I remember what they did and that they just like person Y deserve it!

Karma’s a bitch…ain’t nothing new there

Have you ever wanted to slap the bitch named ‘Karma’?

Have you ever patiently waited for Karma to dish out what was due?
Have you ever seen Karma at work and thought even though this is what I had been waiting for and now I feel really bad?
Now I truly know I really ain’t bitter anymore. 
Karma has been dealt and it’s one of the most twisted, hurtful, painful things that could have been dealt and I want to sit back with my popcorn and enjoy the moment but I can’t because I’m really not that evil. 
I’ve waited so long for this moment and I thought I would be doing my happy dance when the moment finally came but instead I shake my head with pity and actually feel bad for the people involved. 
I still don’t like these so called people but I don’t like what karma brought them either. 
However at the same time I don’t feel guilty. I feel they should feel guilty though because they brought this on themselves. 
I would hope that they would learn from their actions but I have a sneaky feeling if all ends badly they will no doubt repeat the cycle and who knows what Karma will do next?
I’m gloating a little in writing this aren’t I? Damn. That’s not good I admit that. On that note let me conclude. To those who sit back waiting for karma to take your revenge on those who have wrong you…I have learned the true meaning of the saying…be careful what you wish for, it might just come true!

Any REAL Christians out there?

I’ve never met a real Christian before.
I’ve met people that claim to be Christian but act otherwise.
I was baptised as a baby and brought up to believe in God and was forced to go to church along with the rest of the family. I was part of the church choir and attended Sunday school like a good little girl.
Then I hit puberty and not only learned there were so many other religions I didn’t know about and it was then I realised I could choose to be a part of any one of them if I really wanted to.
When I had my first little girl my husband and I chose to have her blessed as opposed to christened. We chose this root so she may choose to follow God if she wishes when she is older or she may choose to choose several or even ultimately like me decide its not for her.
You see the Christians I have known all share traits that contradict the bible they follow and for every mistake they make they use the same tired excuses “Gods forgiveness”, “no one is exempt from sin”, ” I’m in a relationship with him so WE can judge you”.
While their excuses may be true to some extent I don’t think they want to believe it themselves as much as they want to use these to exclude themselves from certain behaviour.
The Christians I know also love to “preach” to death ears and force their opinions/attitudes upon other people. Thats not religion; to me it borders on harassment.
Where Christianity I thought came from love and is about being one, too many times I’ve seen Christians I have known to come from and create hate and divide by way of judging others, feeling self-important, imposing their “superiority” upon others, looking down on people, purposefully acting sinful so they can be “purified” at a later date after a simple pray asking for forgiveness.
Needless to say when I learned and was exposed to this I decided that Christianity wasn’t for me.
Although I am yet to meet a “real” Christian I still have hope and still respect the religion and good people that follow it.
However me I follow where the universe takes me. I believe in Karma and energies. A real Christian may not understand that, but they would respect it.

Peace xxx