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I’m going bald! (postpartum woes) 


 

postpartum wig

 10 months on and my body still won’t let go of the fact I gave birth.  I still have an extensive amount of postpartum shedding its unreal! I’ve resorted to wearing a wig because it just won’t stop falling out. In addition to that I still have night sweats. Waking up drenched in my own sweat is mortifying not to mention uncomfortable and worse still unsexy.  Before getting pregnant I was always cold or had bad circulation. During pregnancy and still to this day it’s the opposite. I have still not become accustomed to not only being hot but actually having “B.O”. I actually for the first time in my life carry around deodorant. It may sound crazy but this is new to me.  My SPD is still lingering. There are days were I have been stuck paralysed in the middle of a street because my legs shut down and refuse to move. If not for pushing a stroller I would need my crutches because it’s so hard to stand when this happens.   Then there is the pain. Oh how I have not missed the pain of SPD yet it’s still here every so often reminding me of my somewhat traumatic pregnancy fearing I would never walk, run or dance again.  The doctors say that this could all go on until my sons 1st birthday.   How can my hormone levels still be this high? Apparently the fact I’m on contraception is not helping the speedy recover as its adding to the hormone level in my body.  The joys of being a mother. I love being a mum. Hate the unwanted side effects. Sigh.

Book Update!


Just a quick random post to tell you all how I excited I am that my dream is coming true and how anxious I am about my book finally coming to life! Ahhhhhh words can’t describe how happy, elated and on top of the world I am feeling right now!

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Again thank you to everyone who has supported to me, I hope you continue to support me by purchasing a copy once the book goes live and for sale to the general public very soon!

Woooooo so happy right now!

Working it proudly!


So I went out, I partied, I forgot my mummy duties for one night (almost) and had fun with the people I love.

For my lovely follower Chelle of http://livingwithnoexcuses.com I did manage to find an outfit for the night that I felt comfortable and sexy in!

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I did have a dilemma before I left repeatedly changing outfits and belittling myself.
However my sister wouldn’t let me carry on (how selfish of you Chez).
She reminded me there were people who looked a lot worse after having a baby at which point I thought to myself “how selfish of me”.

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I had tried on at least 4 dresses before settling on the fifth one.

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I love the way the black sides hide any ” lumps and bumps”.
I’m not one of those women who try and squeeze into something tight that doesn’t look good just because its what everyone else is wearing, is fashionable or just ignore the fact it does nothing for my figure…have you seen those girls with their “muffin tops”?

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Laughing and joking with my sisters before getting ready to leave I realised we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all as beautiful as one another. Like me, my sisters dress according to their figures and they ‘work it!’ they gave me the extra confidence boost I needed to hit the town and feel fabulous.

My husband helped in that too when he received a photo message of me in my complete outfit, hair done and make up finished. His text read ‘woah hot mama’ that made me grin from ear to ear and gave me even more fuel to burn out on that dance floor.

When I hit that floor it was like I had never been pregnant, although every time I even thought about stopping I would think about my family and miss my newborn baby.

What no one told me…I pumped enough milk before I went out so my husband could give our baby the best while I was away. However by the end of the night due to all the pumping and being away from my little bubba not only was I leaking milk I started to become over full aka ‘engorged’ I tried my best to ignore it and sleep but 3 hours later the pain was unbearable and I had to rush back home earlier than expected the next morning to feed my lil milk monster.
So much for the lie in.

It was worth the night out though. Especially coming home to my family who had missed me. Daddy look tired, baby became relaxed as daddy said he was a fusspot most of the time I was gone…and my daughter well she is still at my mums relaxing after a party of her on (she got it from her mama) but me, daddy and Sj miss her.

Twas a great weekend and now its time to get back to mummy duties, peace out xxx

Postpartum Body


My baby boy is almost 5 weeks old now and is thriving!
He is my little milk monster because he feeds like there’s no tomorrow although what does he know of tomorrow? All he knows is mummy smells like milk and he turns his head whenever I enter the room aka his world.

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So he is happily content feeding 1-3 hours depending on the time of day, he has regular “explosive” nappies (that’s always funny, sad but you laugh at the silliest things when they are still so cute and small).
He smiles when I sing to him and makes funny faces and sometimes he just smiles ‘just because’ he is just happy like that so this makes me extremely happy.

Looking at my son and his perfectly formed face and body I smile proudly, knowing I carried him through a hard pregnancy and then long labour.

However as beautiful as he is I can’t help but look at my own body, now 5 weeks postpartum it looks and feels so different than before.

I regularly encourage and praise my friends on their good looks and bodies and tell them not to moan or complain but instead be happy and embrace what they have.

Looking at my new body I can’t help but frown.

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Where had my once cute and pert ass gone? It wasn’t huge before but now it’s not existent it’s lost it’s muscle tone and I hate the way it looks in my usual tight clothes and my trademark hotpants.

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Why don’t I fit my pre pregnancy clothes anymore? Everything feels so “wrong”.

When will I lose this ‘softness’ that is now my belly? I’ve never had nor do I want a six pack but my belly was a hell of a lot more toned before I got pregnant.

Furthermore why am I letting my own hatred and delusions tear me apart?

I have been told I look ‘great’, ‘fantastic’ even ‘sexy’ but for some reason it’s hard to register. It’s like I feel they feel obliged to say it (friends and family) or the strangers on the street are just being polite and the men…they just “thirsty” for everything and anything.

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To add insult to injury. I’m ready for my first night out so naturally I decided to go shopping.
Is it me or are clothes getting smaller? I tried on various sizes starting from my pre-pregnancy shape and went up 3 sizes in order to find something that fit comfortably and looked decent. (H&M I officially boycott your stores with your tiny clothes!)

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Although I don’t look terrible I just look different to what I’m used to. After having my first child I had to adjust to my new body shape for the first time. I eventually fell in love with it and myself all over again once I realised my delusions were just that…delusions.

The strangest thing is my body looks that of my 19 year old self when my husband and I first starting dating and although I was confident back at that age and comfortable with my body that was before I became a mum.

A lot of women are critical of themselves or one another because their shape looks and feels heavier than mine and I know a lot of women would love to ‘snap back’ into a shape like mine.

However they don’t realise fat or thin there’s still pressure to look a certain way. It’s sounds silly but sometimes I feel sad that I don’t look like a “stereotypical mummy”. People especially women or other mothers can’t see the scars of my pregnancy on the outside and so make comments and sneers even assumptions about my figure.

Some are jealous to the point they call me unhealthy looking. Some push for answers as to how I slimmed down so fast. Some even assume I didn’t eat throughout my pregnancy or eat now.

As a society we can be so unforgiving and can put so much pressure on one another we don’t always realise the effect we are actually having.

After agonising over every angle in the mirror, checking the scales and all the clothes label sizes I decided life is too short to worry about what size I was then or now.

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I suddenly remembered for me personally it’s the inside that counts and is what makes me so fabulous from the inside out.

What fit me back then may look different now and so what?! It’s a great excuse for a new wardrobe or to customise my old pieces.

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Love yourself ladies because your beautiful. Don’t like anyone make you feel you are less than perfect the way you are. Whatever your shape, size or figure embrace it and work it!
However if your size is due to a health issue please take care of it and address it because being healthy will always come before “looking good” xxx

I suddenly remembered for me personally it’s the inside that counts and is what makes me so fabulous from the inside out.

What fit me back then may look different now and so what?! It’s a great excuse for a new wardrobe or to customise my old pieces.

Love yourself ladies because your beautiful. Don’t like anyone make you feel you are less than perfect the way you are. Whatever your shape, size or figure embrace it and work it!
However if your size is due to a health issue please take care of it and address it because being healthy will always come before “looking good” xxx

Postpartum SPD


For Lucinda, Lady of Milky Darkness aka Vidya, Christal, Nims, Loren, Hayley & My sisters

8 Days postpartum

Since I was discharged from my 4 day hospital stay my SPD has unfortunately still been plaguing me.
I was told by my GP it would no doubt suddenly disappear after giving birth if not drastically improve, as the weight of the baby growing was the major issue why the SPD was so aggravating.
I sat for hours in my hospital bed waiting for my epidural to wear off.
I was anxious and excited about being able to walk and move freely again without assistance.
Unfortunately that didn’t happen.
The SPD is worse and I am now on crutches.
Physio advised that I must always be handed my baby because the strain of picking him up will prolong my recovery.

The other restrictions imposed by my physiotherapist include;
•No hoovering, cleaning or cooking (its nice my husbands gets to take full control of this but I like things done a certain way and as his wife its important to me that I do all these things for him or at least share these chores).
•Physio exercises 3 times a day – other than that BED REST is a must!!!
•Treat ‘good’ days like ‘bad’ days – Even though I wakeup some days only in mild to moderate pain where I can move about more, I should still stick to just my light physio and then continue to rest.

The physiotherapist explained that my muscles in my pelvis and right leg had become so relaxed during pregnancy that they have given up on working. Its important that I retrain the muscles so that they regain their strength and within a matter of weeks I should be strong enough to walk unaided again.

Its a challenge having this condition so severe. Husband at work,other daughter at school I’m left to look after my newborn by myself even though I can barely take care of myself.
However I have a great support system of friends and family helping me, motivating me and encouraging me and it gives me the mental strength I need to carry on.

The same friends and family offer words and back it up with actions. Bringing me shopping, taking days or hours off work to help out where and when they can, setting up an escort to take my child to and from school I love them all so much.

Even though I’m obviously still very hormonal which of course contributes to the condition the same people have had such patience with me.

I realised last night this is not the first time I had a condition where I thought it was the end of the world and pulled through! I kicked PR, TWICE and lived to tell the tale!! I will kick this condition’s ass too!!

Love.Peace.Positivity

~Lady Blaze~