One of the symptoms of my depression is insomnia.
Recently I miscalculated the amount of tablets (anti depressants) I had left. Since Monday I have been without medication.
It is amazing yet heartbreaking how reliant I have become on my medication. As soon as I go one night without “popping a pill” for that night and the following day I will not be able to sleep until I get “my next fix”.
I almost feel like a drug addict. Anti depressants can become highly addictive.
I have been feeling so good on them these recent months that I feel I can come off them now, although sadly I understand the reality and that is when I feel this way I still have a little further to go.
There are many downsides to being an insomniac as you can probably imagine. Its almost 3am as I write this very post and I am very much awake.
However the upside? Surprisingly for me personally there is an upside and that is that my son, my mini hero, my prince is wide awake with me.
We share such a bond him and I. Ever since I became an insomniac its like he did too; of course he isn’t really an insomniac, almost 3 years old he has a natural energy all children have.
On nights (or mornings) like this he keeps me company. Huddled on the sofa quietly watching his YT KIDS on his kindle while I watch Netflix well into the wee hours.
Every time I look at him I feel blessed to call him my son and on nights like this even more so because he is so well behaved.
Times like this going into day 3 without medication I try my best to be positive and look on the bright side, its not hard though with a baby boy like mine and it helps my medication will be ready to collect finally later today.