I dreamt about you last night. Mum, Katie & Bilen were there too. There were others too but I didn’t recognise them except for one; Jonathan. Isn’t it weird he was in my dream? We hadn’t seen him for years although we briefly messaged after you had passed.
We were all eating at what seemed to be a restaurant yet it was styled like a school canteen. We were all having a fantastic time. There were smiles and howls of laughter. You looked radiant as usual. You seemed so happy. Then all of a sudden mum said it was time to say ‘Goodbye’ to you and she started singing a ‘Goodbye Song’ and everyone happily followed suit.
Except me. I screamed out “NO” and I ran away from the table to the ‘Ladies Bathroom’ where I met Katie & Bilen there. They tried to comfort me. They told me ‘We know your not ready but you have to say goodbye”. I shook my head defiantly and said “I will never let her go”.We eventually left the bathroom and proceeded to the corridor. At this point you appeared and they disappeared. You looked me in my eye and said “Its ok” and you kept repeating that until it became an echo.
Then you disappeared. You went back to the canteen where everyone sung to you.
Jonathan appeared and we sat on a sofa in the corridor. Because he wasn’t ready to let you go either. Somehow we thought by not joining the others we could make you stay?
Jonathan started having convulsions. It was so scary.
You appeared in front of us, again saying “its ok”. Then you disappeared.
Then I was out on a street similar to Camden Market. I looked up to what looked like a hotel. I think thats where we must of been? Thats what it felt like. Then I walked off into this market with two people I dont know in my waking life but in the dream they were my friends.
As we walked away and just before I woke I could hear you whisper “its ok”.
I woke up nicely refreshed this morning but with a little sadness because I keep replaying this dream in my head. How can things be ok Cerise? How? When?
Maybe things are ok? But when you were here things were great, perfect as my life ever will get.