These half term holidays are bad enough without your physical being here visiting us. Amarie feels it the most at these times.
She was in tears crying “I don’t want to lose anyone else”. I had no idea what to say because I feel exactly the same.
I am scared of who I may lose next and scared when it may happen.
Losing you is honestly the craziest thing that has ever happened in my life. In our lives.
I feel like if this can happen (did happen) then anything can happen to us.
Maybe I was naive. No I was. I knew bad things happened around us and I know bad things happen all around us; but not to us.
But you died. A bad thing happened to the world and to us.
Now it feels like all eyes are on us. The whole world is watching.
Its like being on reality TV. I feel like I am on one of those stupid shows you used to watch but the difference is there is no cameras, no end and certainly no winners or prizes.
You were the prize and we lost you.
It was strange because we were actually having a good day today. We danced and we sung feeling your spirit. We sung songs from the little mermaid.
I remember that time you and I sung those very songs on the tube to all the passengers annoyance but we didn’t care we were happy and high off sibling love as usual.
In the end as Amarie cried this evening and I had no words I put on the youtube video of your slideshow and tribute song made by our cousin Pamela.
That started me off as it always does which is why I rarely watch it. It comforts a little but stirs up so much emotion. After we shared tears I loaded another video, the one of us telling the world we were best friends as well as sisters.
She hugged her iPad and curled up with it on her bed and fell asleep watching it on loop.
Goodnight Cerise. Love you.