I cant fully unload all my dramas. No one throws back their head like you used to, no one laughs like you used to or rolls their eyes like you used to. No one has the most ludicrous advice that you had.
It has been one of those days today full of unnecessary stress. I am so pissed off and angry, but mostly I am frustrated because I can’t even call you up and tell you all about it.
I cant send you essay long texts and extra long voice notes explaining what happened. I won’t ever receive your sarcastic emoji’s to my situation or your memes that don’t make sense but were so funny it totally took my mind off things.I am focused on fighting for you. I am fighting to make sure everything is done correctly and no stone is left unturned and no loose ends are left untied.
I don’t understand why people think it is appropriate to drag your name threw the mud and then even worse none of these people want to take responsibility for their actions, but instead protect each other as if they are the ones that need protecting. Not me Cerise, I’m only the grieving sibling, not mum she’s only the grieving parent.
Pure disrespect it just gets worse everyday!
Why does everyone feel they have the right to offer their theories on your passing? What gives them the right to come at me and blatantly disrespect me, you and our family?I have no time, I don’t. They aren’t important. It is best they all show their true colours early so that I know who I can and cannot trust and believe me the circle of trust is small because I feel like everyone has an agenda right now and unfortunately for them, they are slipping up and showing their real faces.
So angry and upset that people think they can treat me this way.You came to me the other night. Sunday night. The night before the first day of school run. You hugged me real tight and didn’t let go until I fell asleep. I didn’t understand before but now I do. When you first passed away the school run was agony as I cried there and back each time knowing I was never going to bump into you ever again. I was nervous and afraid Sunday just gone because what if Monday came and I felt like that again? But you came to me and hugged me and didn’t let me go and you kept whispering ‘It’s ok, it’s going to be ok’. Thank you for that. I hope you return tonight before the tears come because today has not been great.
I love you.