The future. 

  You know I actually dread the day I have to utter the words “I used to have a sister”. 
How do I get “used to” not physically having you here?

Remember how we would tease mum every chance we got joking that we weren’t “really” sisters because we were only “half blood”.

We used to think it was so funny. Mum would be so annoyed, scared even; thinking we might actually believe what we were saying.

I used to call you “mudblood” because we both loved Harry Potter and we thought that line in the movie was hilarious. 

I miss you so much.

“Half blood, mudblood, half sister” it didn’t matter then and it still doesn’t matter now. You always felt like my full blood, you were everything, you were only ever half in the respect that you and I made a whole. 

Now I am half of me.

I have so many plans to seek justice but I feel lost without you. 

My friend asked me today ‘Where is blaze?’ My nickname as you know. I don’t even know where she is. When my ‘Reesie’ left, when you let go and passed on, half of me disappeared too. 

I look in the mirror with no reflection. You were my reflection. You were the other side of me. Remember how are nephews and nieces called me “Evil Aunty Carley” to wind me up when I’m strict and you were the opposite afraid to tell the kids off and would shower them with gifts? That because your a little wimp and said if they were bad “Nana” could tell them off because you didn’t want any of the babies to hate you haha.

We sung “This little light of mine” at your funeral, because you were just that. How can I reignite my flame without you? Your passing was so sudden, it was like a gush of wind. Once it passed over me, my light went out. Every now and again theres a little flicker. I smile or I may laugh as I remember funny things about you, things that I love but then my light goes out again as I feel that same gust of air. As I told my friend you were my air, my oxygen; and without oxygen how can you maintain a fire?


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