We are not weak.


“They put you in the ground, and thats where you will stay,I will return to visit and lay more flowers another day.” ~ CEP

  
When the people saw me cry, they thought that I had broken. People told me “it was about time”, “you couldn’t be strong forever” and “I knew you would break”.

I only cried Cerise. I screamed too. I wept into Shaun’s arms and we cried together. 

Mum screamed and cried too. 

We are not weak though. We didn’t break. We don’t need putting back together. We are still here. 

Crying does not make me or mum weak, nor does screaming, cursing or being miserable because you are not here.

Being weak is giving up. Weak is not getting back up. Weak is laying down and staying down! But we wont be doing that. I’m still standing. I am still here. I will stay here living, working, taking care of our babas, partying, shaking a leg but mostly I will be here making sure everyone remembers who you were and what you were about.

It wont be easy. I wont be surprised if its a long road back to recovery but you know me, my whole life has been one journey after the next and like you I try my hardest to enjoy and embrace every moment. 

I won’t let your passing be the reason the family all lay down one by one like falling dominos. You will be the reason we stay close. Thats what we are known for our close knit love.

I was so angry and upset at the wake until I felt you push me and told me to dance. You know when I’m down its time to put on our dancing shoes and dance the pain away. Your the only one that steps out on the dance floor with me early not caring who is watching because thats what your supposed to do. Always the first and last on the dance-floor dancing the night, pain, frustration and tensions away. Did you see Eroll and Vadz dancing? Hahahaha good times, it was like Eroll’s birthday all over again. 

 

Me & Cerise dancing

 
Chez & Tasha were dancing too; sister time was in full swing! Your Chloe got drunk that was funny, its ok though my Amy stayed sober for her sister. 

All your friends and family put their hands in the other night to salute you. I felt warm inside as I saw you throw back your head and laugh in joy & freedom; free from all the pain. 

Your Katie cried hard that night. Shaun comforted her. Bilen cried long and hard too. Sometimes I don’t know what to do or say because they were your left arm and I was your right. How do we work without you?

 Laura she is a badass! Do I need to worry about her? She is tiny but she is fierce! Jodan, Angel & Jade what a bunch of crazies!!

Your friends are amazing I love them though so we will get there.

We all will because you left so much love and energy and together we are strong.

I love you. 
 

Shaun, me & Cerise

 

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