Pictured above is one of those perfect examples of when I used to bump into you on, when you were on the way somewhere, while I was on school run.
I stopped you. Amarie and I were so excited to see you.
We took this a few days before you left for America with Katie.
I don’t pray.
The whole time you were gone, I prayed for your safety. I prayed for your safe journey there and your safe return back. I didn’t tell you that because I was embarrassed. We used to laugh about prayers and all that s***. But I couldn’t help it.
You had never been that far from me, never been away for so long (2 weeks).
I missed you everyday. Even though you face-timed me I still missed you. Phone calls, video calls, texts it was never enough. Stolen moments. Stolen memories. Thats all I have now.
I wish You were in America now. I wish you were just on holiday. I pray you had a safe journey and I pray you safely return. But what good would that do. It won’t bring you back.
We used to love rollercoasters. Now I feel like I permanently live on one.
Up and down, up and down. Thats me now. In constant PMS mode. I cant tell whether I am going to wake up happy, sad or angry.
I moped around today and I don’t care who knows it. I looked out the window waiting for your car. It’s sunday aka ‘funday’ when you pop round to play dolls with Amarie or make noise chasing her around my flat. It’s Sunday when you come and play cards, use my laptop or we just hang out like slobs all day doing nothing but laying on the couch or bed making jokes and drinking gallons of tea.
Your car never came. I cried. Shaun cuddled me. Amarie cuddled me and then so did Sj. We stood there at the window huddled in an embrace.
However now it is one of my favorites because your in the clothing we let you sleep in forever. This was your favorite outfit. You always wore that jumper when you came over on a Sunday. You were always happiest in your skinny jeans, and you wore those big old Dr, Martins with everything.
Sleeptight “do do”. (Our fav term of endearment to each other)