See you later?

The details of your funeral is up. I don’t even want to attend.I have to be strong for everyone. On the outside I look like a rock. 

On the inside however there is nothing there. Numb. Mostly a numb feeling.

I am not ready. Will I ever be?

Wake up Cerise! Come home “do do”. This has gone on long enough! Please walk down that familiar street, text or call me to say you are still here with me.
I cant bare to see you be put in the ground. I can’t. If I am not already broken seeing that will break me forever.

Amarie is so angry with me she wants to know what happened. She is only 8 what am I to say.
I can just about live scarred for life but I cant do that to our diva princess.

I can’t, I can’t, I WON’T say goodbye to you. 

When will I see you again? You cheated! Gone before me! We were supposed to grow old and crazy together. I’m older than you, I was supposed to go first! How many years am I going to have to wait to put you in a headlock again and dash you to the ground? Tickle your huge bigfoot and make you laugh so hard I induce your mild asthma. 

Slap you over your bald head and start a pillow fight?

When can I sip Zinfandel again without thinking about you and our lazy, drunken nights in terrorising mum. 

Wear my babyphat without smelling your scent on my clothes you used to steal.

Listen to old school garage without you by my side screaming the lyrics till our throats hurt then laughing and collapsing on the floor. 

How can I watch the little mermaid again with no one to do all the actions with and read in between the lines of what really went in that film.

Remember the man eating Sea Witch Ursula and her “Body Language” oh how we laughed, she is not for children. 


I’m not going to your funeral to say goodbye, no I am not.

I will go to your funeral to say ‘hello again’ and make plans too “see you later”. That is what I will do. One day, I will see you again. I have too. If I cant hold onto that I have nothing. 


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