Gone forever…RIP Baby Sister

Another morning. I wake up and realise this is my life now? I look out the window and cars whirr by, the trees sway, the hustle and bustle still goes on. I could have sworn that the world would have stopped by now.I want to look out the window and see the apocalypse has finally arrived. 
People keep telling me “remember all the good times” as if thats enough. You were only 21 years old there wasn’t enough good memories, I need more. 


Cerise and I laughing through the pain. (I was recovering from PR in this pic my body was burning and in pain but she kept me laughing)

Amarie is confused and just wants you back. Sj will never understand. They are too young to have lost you.
Mum is trying hard not to lose her mind. The way she grips here hands its almost like she is physically trying to hold it in place. 


Cerise & Mummy

Me. I hate you. You left me all alone. Practically every time I saw your big bug eyes, big lips, over grown giant, mudblood self I would squeeze you and tell you despite your obvious deformities, ok your obvious beauty that I envied so much that I loved you and could never live without you.


Cerise & I

How dare you not hold on? How dare you not fight? How dare you save me over and over again to eventually leave me, before me, too young, too quick.
Life is not fair. We can all say that and not truly understand what that means until something like this happens. 
People keep telling me I am in shock that it will soon wear off. How?

How can I EVER accept that you are gone now and NEVER coming back.
Look at the mess you have left behind! I actually hate you so much right now because I loved you so hard all your life. 
All your life. That alone sounds ridiculous. What life? 21 years? Thats not life. Thats a preview. 
People want to tell me that God took you home. 

They don’t know and understand we are non believers.

We used to believe in the universe. I can’t even believe in that anymore. 

What did I do that was so wrong that the universe had to take you away from me?

What did Katy do?

Are you watching us right now? Have you seen Katie? She is almost unrecognisable. 

She is broken. It looks as if sellotape is holding her together. Fragile. 

Katie & Cerise

Have you seen our sisters? Tasha cried! Cheryl cried! Like you they NEVER cry! They cried and what was left of my heart crumbled and fell to pieces. 


Tasha, Cheryl, Cerise and I

Shaun wouldn’t want me to mention him but at this point theres not a lot I care about ‘airs and graces’ Shaun is fragile too. He is trying his best to be my husband but he lost his best friend. His sister in law. His partner in crime. 
I will never understand this. No book, google search, therapist, sign; nothing will give me clarity or understanding. 
When you saw the light or whatever it was you should have run away from it with all your strength. 
If I knew when you waved goodbye from your car that was the last time I was going to see you I would have jumped in and chained myself to you and never let you go. 
All I can hear is that stupid song you always listened to in your car ‘No air’ I say stupid because I never quite understood it. Now I do because I can’t breathe without you.
I loved you so much. 


15 thoughts on “Gone forever…RIP Baby Sister

  1. OMG i dont no these beautiful people or the beautiful lady who passed away
    .may her soul rest in peace..this story really made me cry..i am goin through the loss of my Grand mother who is the only mother i know.. so i no the pain and i dont see how it can go away i dont see how we ment 2 just carry on it hurts 2 the point i cant breath!!!! My thoughts are with u all goin through this pain is unbareable

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very powerful words. Not sure how your beautiful sister died but please try and remain strong. I lost a close relative to me not too long ago and honestly it was a pain i never knew existed! Confusion, emptiness and a hard hit of reality was the best way to describe it. However 2 years on wards, i can tell you things do get easier. Your sister is with you every single day. She is with you. Remain strong.. But allow yourself to grieve xxx Take care

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Stay strong baby girl….. She will always be with you even though you can’t see her physically but spritually she will always be with you and never leave you she knows how much you loved her and she loves you the same way you can find comfort within that xxx


  4. I’m sorry. So sorry. No amount of words will ease that ache. I haven’t read far enough info ur blog to know what or when this happened. I’ve seen a lot of death, been to too many funerals. My mom was taken from me when I was 15. My dad was taken when I was 17 and from there I had to learn to “roll” w/the punches. My only sister died in 2011. The 1st year hurts the worst, but it does ease…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sorry for your loss carley I don’t know you or your dear sister.. but I just wanna let you know our thoughts are with you guys!!! This broke me man! I hate death!!! Right now I can’t begin to imagine how hard thus is .. but just know man you’re all in our thoughts .. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I will always remember the last time I saw my brother. What a beautiful and powerful letter. Thank you for sharing it. May you and all who loved Cerise find peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Truly bought tears to my eyes.she will always be with u wherever u are,and your obvious strength will see u through.such a young life taken way to early.god bless u and your family!🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏


  8. Dear Carly, Pat & family, please accept our sincere condolances, it was a shock to hear of the death if your sister. The hurtful thing for me was she passed on my uncles birthday according to what i’ve read of her death. My uncle passed away a year ago though its still painful remembering all the good memories tend to ease the pain a bit less. Losing one so young is never easy, but the love shared together keeps one going. Be assured of our love and prayers. May her gentle soul rest in perfect peace.


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