Trying to forgive myself..

I chose to get involved with certain people, which to me equals I caused all the pain I felt and all the pain that remains.

Im not constantly in pain like I was when everything went bad but every now and again I get a blip of pain from a memory that might flash through my head and my heart.

I said I forgive them all but what I realise now is I haven’t forgiven the one most important person vital to all this; I HAVEN’T FORGIVEN MYSELF..

I hate myself for what has happened over the past years, I hate that I made such stupid choices, stupid mistakes, didn’t listen, that I am heart strong rather than head strong.

I have learned a lot, changed a lot yet i still cant seem to forgive myself. I’m still punishing myself and thats why after all this time I have not healed completely. I haven’t healed because I am finding it so hard to forgive myself.

I don’t regret anything I am 100% sure about that because it changed me like I said and because I learned from it but I don’t know how to forgive myself.

I am who I am and I am not ashamed but I wont move forward until I forgive myself and I don’t know how long that will take but everyday I try.


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