I could never imagine I would ever feel this way,
Looking back through the hurt and pain,
I thought it would never past but look at me today!
With so many things accomplished including getting over you,
I know so many things are possible because I feel brand new.
I read and see pictures even videos of our past,
Back then I was sure we were going to last,
Alas it wasn’t meant to be,
I was in love with you but you didn’t love me.
Back then I blamed you for every little thing,
I was ashamed to where my wedding ring,
I didn’t want us to be tied in name,
Until I realised you and I are not the same.
I picked up my crown and readjusted it upon my head,
Pushed away all the feelings of dredd,
No longer shuddered when I heard your name,
Gracefully bowed out of your game.
I’m his wife and your just the in law,
Our feud was quickly becoming a bore,
Suddenly I realised I didn’t want to waste thoughts on you anymore.
Isn’t it funny how things can change without you realising?
After so much pain and heartache I started to feel as if I was forever going to wallow in it.
Friends and family kept telling me to ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’ but as they say and as my husband likes to remind me “time is a great healer”.
I know people were trying to help and some just didn’t care about the situation anymore because it was easy for them to hate the people involved, especially as some personally were never close to the subjects.
However it didn’t help at all. I got brief satisfaction I admit from hearing how protective they were of me and hear them makes slurs about the situation but it wasn’t enough. Inside I still felt broken.
I had been through so much for so long that certain things were so hard to let go.
I felt like people wanted me to get over it in an instant and if I didn’t, I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was a broken record and that I was a fool for being stuck in the past.
One day someone made me realise that what I was going through was in fact completely normal and that as individuals everybody heals differently in different time periods. Healing can not be rushed. You must go through every stage of emotion in order to come full circle.
It’s “Icequeen” aka “Geraldine’s” birthday today and I feel nothing. I look back on diary entries and poems I wrote about her on this very day last year and the year before that and I can see and feel how far I have come.
I am so happy. Nothing she or Aaron can do will ever hurt me again because there no longer mean anything to me or my husband.
It’s been a rough road and long journey but after completing my first book and then publishing I know and believe in the things I can and will do because they no longer hold me back.
Happy Birthday G.