Have you ever loved someone or even cared about someone much that, that emotion held you back?
For a long time I’d blame said person. I thought they weren’t pulling their weight or making an effort in our friendship/relationship.
It took me years to realise I too was to blame for this dragging friendship/ relationship.
When they didn’t make an effort I made double the effort, when they didn’t pull their weight I pulled it for them, carried their burden and my own. I was doing so much I might as well have been in it all on my own.
This person weren’t bad, we didn’t have a terrible friendship big chunks of it was actually really good and for a long time they made me happy, but there were these times it was not so great, the times when it was just me, myself and I and playing both sides of the friendship became draining and negative.
This person would come in and out of my life when it suited them. Pick and choose which crisis they would stand by me in then at the less dramatic times in my life when I was on an even plane they would disappear or seem disinterested. Still it never bothered me as I try not to judge my friends. Everyone is different and show their love in different ways right?
Wrong! I was letting this person treat me in a way I didn’t deserve. While I gave, this person continually took! That wasn’t right, it wasn’t friendship it was robbery! This person was stealing what they needed from me and disguising it as “borrowing”.
It dawned on me this person, this friendship wasn’t making me happy anymore. When someone or something isn’t making you happy anymore you should nip it in the bud! Address it and if it can’t be fixed break ties and let them go.
As much as I loved that person and regularly told them so it was time to move on. After ignoring the fond bits of our friendship I had to look at the reality. I had put this person on a pedestal for years (never a good thing) I had more than once put their feelings before my own, thought about them when they could care less about me and what for? To remain a good friend? A good person? I realised I could still be those from a distance!
I don’t hate the person on the contrary I will always love this person and in times of need I will always be here but worry, thinking and constantly being there for this person while they kept taking from me and became lazy in our friendship was holding me back in many areas.
There were times I couldn’t work for worry of this person, times I would become sick, stress out, lose out financially because of all that I had given and lent this person, couldn’t concentrate because of this person.
I have big plans this year and although this person started out years ago as a big supporter and I am still appreciative of this fact, I realised in every other area this person was so inconsistent I no longer had time for it because there was nothing I was getting out of being drained.
I’ve learned you can love someone forever but that doesn’t mean they will always be physically a part of your life.
I’ve learned you could love someone so hard, so strong, love them “to death” and the other person could still just think your “ok”. Just because you love someone in every way, forgive them for everything, shower them with love, it doesn’t mean your affection will be ever be reciprocated.
Lastly I’ve learned just because people may not have the same feelings as you, doesn’t mean you have to take it negatively or turn bitter. Acknowledge it, learn from it and save it for someone who will one day appreciate it to the fullest!