Self Esteem (love myself or else!)


7 months ago I had my 2nd baby. I didn’t have to care for my self esteem or image much because I could use the excuse “I just had a baby” besides breast feeding seemed to be handling my weight loss if any so I was happy as per a previous post I woke up like this.

However as my body carried on healing itself and putting itself back together again like Humpty Dumpty I began to feel just like him and Frankenstein “put together but not quite right”.

My family has always made me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl who grew into the most beautiful woman. My ego was the size of the universe I loved my face, features and body as much as one possibly could!
Wherever I would go I would get noticed, complimented, hit on, jealousy.
I’m not saying I am or even was the most beautiful but I felt so comfortable in my own skin I felt like I was that beautiful.

When I met my husband he made me feel like the sexiest woman alive, he still does, I knew I could use my powers of sex appeal to get him to do almost anything if not everything for me.
He like many other “fans” before him was mesmerised by my figure. Many marvelled and said it was unusual for such a skinny women to have curves/breasts.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1032.jpg

That’s where my complex started.

When I lose weight the first thing to go is my breasts I’m sure many woman can relate? When I put on weight the breasts are the first to come back.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1031.jpg

I was delighted when I got pregnant I felt even more beautiful and sexy something about my growing bump made me feel the most gorgeous I have ever felt (my daughter was the easy pregnancy without the moans and groans).
As my bump grew so did the breasts and I actually started feeling uncomfortable as they were more noticeable than ever and no matter what kind of bra I wore I always seemed to be showing cleavage.

After baby was born and I lost the bump my boobs went from DD back to my original C and I was happy. Until I started loosing even more weight, being a busy mum keeping up with my baby was a lot of work so the pounds kept dropping. I didn’t even notice until me and baby was in a good enough routine for me to be able to go shopping with friends again by clothes and of course underwear for my new figure.
My jaw dropped and I cried when my measurements got taken not only was I a lot skinner but my boobs had completely disappeared the only thing that would fit lay in the kiddie section. The only upside I could see was out of no where I had this sexy curvy & pert bottom!

However somehow I grew to love my body again and didn’t care. I had this beautiful little girl and she along with my doting husband was my world.
I changed my hair, changed my clothes and stopped beating myself up. My husband still thought I was sexy and amazing for birthing his first baby and couldn’t get enough of me bless him. What more could I ask for. My confidence came back and so did the admiring onlookers and a lot of jealously from other mums whose figure had not changed at all since the birth of their babies.

Years later about 2 and 1/2 years to be exact my figure changed again I was on contraception and I was finally putting weight back on.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1034.jpg Suddenly the boobs came back, my ass got bigger and my stomach remained flat as a pancake. I was happy I had another excuse to go shopping!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1033.jpg

7 months ago, 7 years after my first child my husband and I got pregnant again! I tried to mentally prepare myself for the changes that would no doubt happen again.
Sure enough changes happened. I lost a lot of weight while carry baby no. 2 I was constantly sick and could barely eat a thing, and what I did eat came back up 20 mins later. I was miserable. My ass disappeared straight away and much to my dismay sagged eeeek I felt so unattractive and not sexy at all even though still my husbands hands loved to take a wander. My boobs didn’t grow at all throughout this pregnancy which led me to believe I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed which was really upsetting as I was so looking forward to it this time around.

After baby was born suddenly my C cups turned to E cups and I felt like a sexy celebrity I knew they wouldn’t last so I went out, showed them off and felt fabulous until the milk finally adjusted and they went back to C cups.

Unfortunately that was not long lived either. After breastfeeding for months my boobs felt empty, looked empty and I’m gonna say it they ain’t perky anymore. Sad times.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1035.jpg

As the days go by I have been hating how my body looks, waist is wider, belly is softer, boobs are somewhere near my toes without a good bra. I hated taking my clothes off in front of my husbands who assures me I look fine.

Today I decided f&@k it! Enough is enough.
I tried on an outfit from 2 years ago I wore for one of my themed birthday celebrations and not only does it still fit, I don’t look all that bad in it.
I expected to take the pictures and hate the results but I actually love them.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/0ca/62078845/files/2014/12/img_1036.jpg

I know you won’t all be able to tell the less obvious differences but I can because I know my body as vain as I have always been.
It’s different but it’s ok! It’s done a lot! I grew 2 children dammit!
I pushed them out and my husband still thinks I’m the sexiest biiish since well I don’t know he just thinks I’m hot and you know what…I am.

I am beautiful dammit wooooooo and so are you! Don’t stop loving yourself I won’t ever again…well I’m going to try my very best.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s