My husband and I have been together for 11 years. For almost 5 years of our relationship we have been married. Half the time we have been together we have been in an open relationship and have had an open marriage.
I feel with my diary of the last 10 years soon to be published I should clear some facts up and explain why my husband and I used to engage in certain “activities”.
Furthermore something one of my best friends commented on the other day about my blog inspired me to write this post. Its something a few people have mentioned and complimented me about my blog. She said ‘You are so brave, because you so honest and open on your blog and I admire that’.
I have never thought about it that way. I have always been very open and honest so it naturally flows in the way I write.
People who know me well often ask why my husband and I ever had an open relationship / marriage. It is often so on the spot and out of the blue that I can never fully answer the question the way I would like so that they can get a proper insight and somewhat understanding.
One reason my husband and I chose to open our relationship was simply out of choice. Some people choose to be monogamous we chose to be polyamourous. I have never been a ‘conventional’ type of person that easily ‘conforms’ so choosing to have this type of relationship fitted me perfectly.
My husband and I started dating when we were 19 we were still teenagers and quite young not quite “Adult” as yet. I was honest with my husband in telling him that I felt that I wasn’t sure exactly what or who I wanted in a relationship. I felt I wasn’t quite old or mature enough to be making that decision.
Contrary to what some may assume, I was the one who first proposed the idea of an open relationship to my husband. I had grown up and seen a lot of stereotypes of males and firmly believed that men could not or would not stay faithful so I thought it might be easier to give my partner the choice to be with other women rather than make him feel “tied down” so young. It also meant that we could be more open and honest with our feelings regarding other people, where we stood at present in our relationship and we didn’t have to “creep” behind each others backs.
Again being young I was curious about many things; my sexuality being one of them and I wanted to explore that feeling. I am bi-sexual and not until just before dating my partner did I have the courage to start openly dating women comfortably. My partner was the first person I “came out” too and admitted I wasn’t ready to give up that side of me for him so I asked him if he wanted to stay or leave me. I knew it could cause a potential problem so had to be straight (no pun intended) with him from the beginning.
I also fantasized about many things before opening our relationships, things that I wanted to try some which included my husband some that didn’t. My husband also felt the same way. We have always been on the same page.
As childish and silly as it may sound I wanted experience. I am curious about a lot of things and once curious enough I will do anything I can to fulfil that curiosity. I know what they say happened to the curious cat but I bet that cat had one heck of a life especially considering they have 9…apparently. Saying that us as humans also have numerous lives in the way of change and growth. What we may like as youngsters we may grow to hate so then change as a person and start living our life differently. I love new and different experiences it has made me who I am today and still continues too.
Some people enjoy surfing, knitting, travelling the world. If you haven’t already guessed; me and my partner enjoy sex! There’s no shame in it. Its how we got here. Its how we reproduce. Its how us humans populate this earth. Sex is our entertainment its what we like to do for fun. Its what attracted us to each other.
Granted some people don’t enjoy sex. Everyone does it differently. Some people are secretive about it. Some people our overtly open about, some even have sex on a schedule.
We had an open relationship because it was fun, exciting and made us happy.
No responsibilities & Addictions When we first started out we had no responsibilities we were free to do what we wanted. We weren’t married & had no children. However once we did have responsibilities granted things slowed down but didn’t come to a complete halt. Which brings me to another saying “when the kids are away the adults play” we were responsible about our “after dark” activities and our first child was always safely at a sleepover whenever we wanted to have a “private party”. We carried on once we were married because honestly it became an addiction, a safe one on the most part as the outsiders invited into our relationship rarely got hurt.
Religion & Judgement
My partner and I are not a religious couple. Where some religious people would like to condemn and judge us for betraying their GOD, we brush this off because they are talking of their religion not our own.
People that do not understand us, know us personally or are different from us like to judge us from time to time but we know what works for us so it doesn’t bother us in the slightest.
I have a lot of good friends that no exactly what goes on in mine and my husbands relationship and not once have they judged. Some have openly admitted that they don’t quite understand but it doesn’t effect our friendship in the slightest. Some like to hear stories of the latest “private party” and some even ask how could they go about opening their own relationship themselves.
Lastly as briefly mentioned before as I didn’t want to tie down my husband, he has also understood that I have always been a free spirit and it will always be important to me to feel a certain amount of freedom as often in this world a lot of stresses can have you feeling to tied down.
We have had an on/off open relationship & marriage for years and before we decided to have our second child we had a blast.
Now older and wiser with 2 darling children, more responsibilities and the fantasies lived out there is no room, time or even the desire to have an open relationship any longer.
Looking back there has been some wild times and along the way maybe one or two people did get hurt with my husband and I remaining strong but I can honestly say I don’t regret any of it. I feel bad and am sorry certain individuals got hurt but I don’t feel bad about the kind of relationship my husband and I once had. I embrace my past. I am not ashamed of it and if I could go back…I would do it all again.