30 day count down is now on till we meet my new bundle of joy.
Been struggling these last few days with dark thoughts, blue moments and mood swings.
Although my husband is great unfortunately he doesn’t have a magic wand and my emotional state which can be too much for me to handle at times can cripple and paralyse me.
Being strong every minute of everyday can be hard sometimes when your fighting your inner demons, turmoil, fears and anxiety.
These last few days painful memories of a not so long ago past haunted me via my daughter and a friend who didn’t know any better than to bring up certain things/people that I am trying so hard to keep buried and gone.
I found myself spiraling downwards again and crying uncontrollable tears in the bath, violently washing them away willing myself to stop and reminding myself what’s done is done, Aries is gone and that I have to let my once loving memory of her go.
To make matters worse I received damning family news that initiated even more tears and pain I didn’t want or need.
Sometimes life can really suck!
I anticipated something would happen soon its the universal balance, there’s no use fighting it. What goes up must come down.
However all was not lost in misery and despair. My mum and sisters visited me for a full on night of games, takeaway, rude humour and gossip.
No sooner than when they arrived I suddenly felt my shoulders drop, my heart warm and my whole being refreshed. I felt like Mario in the computer game consuming a mushroom; bigger, stronger and ready for some new challenges!
They always cheer me up. Its not what they do, its just the fact they are here for me and they care. The fact I can be happy, sad, grump, angry and they still love me regardless. They help me laugh away the pain of the past and dust off my shoulder when my burdens feel so heavy. When they can’t clear what weighs me down they halve and share it amongst themselves because as the saying goes ‘ the problem shared is a problem halved’.
I’m blessed in so many ways, sometimes I have to battle hard to remember I have more blessings than demons.