Momento (letter) for my unborn son


Dear baby,

We have  5weeks and 6 days left until we officially meet each other and look into one another’s eyes for the first time.
Mummy and daddy can’t wait to hold you for the first time and your sister can’t wait to kiss you and stare at you all day.
Mummy thought she never wanted children, but then she met daddy and he changed everything by melting my heart.
When daddy asked mummy for a baby I wanted so much to have a boy but your sister came first and I wasn’t disappointed.
This time round when the sonographer (the lady doctor who looked through my belly to show me what you looked like) announced that you are a boy I cried tears of joy and almost ruined my make up because I was so happy you are what I had been wishing for. I’m was even happier that before she announced your gender I got to see all your perfect tiny and healthy organs. I saw your lungs, kidneys, brain and what really touched me is when I saw your perfectly formed little heart.
From the first moment daddy asked me to have his baby I said “if we have a boy I will name him after you” he forget this fact until I reminded him after your gender scan. He wasn’t sure, but couldn’t fight it because it was my turn to name our child since he named your big sister.
Daddy has always been my King and treated me like I am his Queen so it only seemed right that you our little Prince should have a name that is equally befitting.
I wanted you to have a name you could be proud of and when you meet daddy and grow to love him as much as I always have and will you will understand why it was important to me that you both share the same name.
Pregnancy with your little sister was much easier I have to admit. Carrying you has been very difficult on me physically as well as mentally.
My figure changed almost straight away. I was constantly sick, dizzy and had back pain from the first trimester. Thankfully the sickness stopped after 4 long months. I had tried everything to help with the nausea; ginger biscuits, ginger tea, peppermint tea, gingerbread men, ginger sweets and finally sea band wristbands. The wristbands worked quite well but were very tight. If I took them off at any point I would immediately feel nauseous again or vomit. Daddy was wonderful throughout this time. He rubbed mummy’s tummy and kissed it, he would make sure there was a clean bucket beside mummy’s side of the bed in case I needed to vomit at night and couldn’t make the bathroom in time, make me glasses of water and rub my back after the times I had unfortunately thrown up. My constant source of comfort.
My hormones have been crazy. Since you started growing inside me I started growing a temper. I suddenly had a short fuse with everything and everyone the first trimester. I was angry a lot and couldn’t always control my rage. When my temper died down in the second trimester I begun to have low and sad points for no reason. One minute I would be fine the next I would be in tears. I knew it was just hormones so when these moments came I would sit on daddy’s lap for a big cuddle of love and we would talk to you through my bump and you would kick in response as your limbs grew stronger and your hearing developed more.
The first moment your sister felt you kick was amazing the shock and delight on her face was priceless. When we had family time and each listened to your heartbeat she was convinced you were talking to her and told me and daddy to be quiet.
She is absolutely fascinated with how much you are growing and how fast. She greets you, hugs and kisses you every morning and every night. She draws pictures of you anticipating what you may look like when you arrive. From what I can tell she thinks you will look like a little bug that crawls on the floor (she is only 6 yrs and 3/4 right now).
My bones have been in constant pain since week 9 of carrying you. It makes me grumpy, frustrated and sometimes sad. The more you grow the heavier you weigh, the more mummy is in pain.
Its not your fault the doctor told me that its just what happens sometimes when you have another baby.
The pain grew so bad mummy would pass out from pain, couldn’t walk or travel very far distance without a long break every 15 minutes, sometimes the pain would paralyse mummy for days and daddy would have to carry me to the bathroom just to use the loo.
The doctor referred mummy to a specialist. Jodie the physiotherapist was a miracle worker. She helped mummy walk better and longer and mummy was happy again travelling for a while until Jodie warned the pain would gradually and immensely increase again the last few weeks counting down to your arrival.
Thats how I feel now. In pain confided to bed all day. However daddy keeps me comfortable with back rubs, movies, snacks and funny jokes to keep my spirits up. We poke you and watch you move around.
Daddy’s hands always soothe you. Sometimes you kick me so hard, or sometimes you cause the most painful braxton hicks but as soon as daddy starts rubbing my back and talking to you, your movements slow down, get softer or completely stop.
The only way I know how to soothe you is to immerse myself in water. You love when we are swimming or in the bath. It lulls you to sleep. Its when I can relax too. Out of the water you are extremely active, you are always so alert. Rolling, kicking, punching. I can’t sleep until you do which is normally 4am till 11am at the moment.
I can’t eat any of my favourite foods. If I try indulge in my usual junk you make me throw it up or cause such an intense heartburn I can’t breathe. What I can eat is only in a child size meal because your squashing my stomach. I lost 10lbs first trimester because I was so sick I couldn’t eat, and now in my 34th weeks you squash my stomach so much I can’t eat much yet again.
Throughout this pregnancy I have craved everything pork. Ham sandwiches, pork sausages, gammon grills and bacon. Its the only junk food you will accept and funny enough Chinese take out. Although when I eat vegetables this is when we are both most happy as its digested easily and we can sit or lie down comfortably with no problems later that day. We also love McFlurry’s plain ice cream. One night I was craving it so desperately I called a cab very late at night to take you, daddy and your little sister there in our pyjamas to order it from the drive thru then come back home.
You squash my lungs most days so I’m short of breathe most days, so much so I can’t always speak in full sentences.
You make me forget everything! My memory was bad before but now its beyond ridiculous!
Mummy and daddy’s family and friends threw me a big baby shower! They brought you so many gifts. They all love you that much and they have yet to meet you.
One of your aunts brought you a travelcot me, daddy and your sister can’t wait to bring you to the park and place you in it to enjoy one of our family days out.
I don’t know what your future holds or who you will grow up to be. What I do know is mummy, daddy and big sis love you now and forever. You have been wished for and always wanted. You will be born into a big network who will always love and care for you also.
No matter how Ill I have been, how fragile, stressed and in pain one thing that I know is you being born, being mine, being here will always be worth it. If I could of foreseen the complications I have had to have you I still would have done this, your worth it and I love you that much.

My perfect little Sj,

Mummy loves you.

Xxx

Love.Peace.Positivity

~Lady Blaze~

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Momento (letter) for my unborn son

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s