I don’t like or care for my mother in law much these days. In fact we do not see eye to eye or get along.
You may roll your eyes and think to yourselves “who does like their mother-in-law?”
It wasn’t always like this.
I had so much compassion, respect and love for her but all that changed when a rift opened up in our family and she chose to pick a side.
I don’t blame her for picking a side, I don’t even blame her for picking the side that wasn’t mine. I don’t blame her for anything in fact but I did lose all respect for her the day she did decide to choose.
When she belittled me, called me names, imposed her religion on me and made judgements about me and my life I forgave all that.
However the last straw was when she picked a side and made it very clear as to why she had done this.
We used to be friends believe it or not.
We would converse on the phone for hours, laugh, gossip, confide in one another. We would share extensive emails. We would advise one another in difficult times. I would hang out at her home.
I considered her a good friend. She seemed to genuinely care about me and love me as much I did her and that was an undeniably wonderful feeling.
She once grew very concerned about my health and convinced me to stay with her until she could help aid in getting me back to full health. This will always warm my heart. Without asking she was there for me when I needed help and was afraid to ask.
When I could sense she was going through something similar I would make sure to check on her via email, phone calls or visit to try to pay her back for caring for me so lovingly that time.
It is funny looking back because I remember thinking what was my partner hiding all those years ago when he refused to introduce his mother and I when we first started dating.
It took two years to meet my partner’s mother. He said he wanted to wait because he didn’t think I would like her as she was very ‘different’ and could be very ‘difficult’.
I didn’t believe him back then I actually thought it was more to do with him being embarrassed by me than his mother. He had fallen in love with a wild party girl as opposed to a quite church girl and I didn’t think his mother would approve.
I had gotten to know my mother-in-law pretty well over 8 and a half years. We were very close and I valued her being in my life so much.
However things happened. A divide came and she made her choice to wash her hands of me in exchange for something she deemed better.
Now after months of being on the other side of the grass and perhaps realising that ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’ I feel she is trying to weasel her way back in.
Via my husband she has been asking about me, my well-being and my soon to be new-born son. She has been trying to fix things that have been irreversibly damaged.
I don’t appreciate it all. It makes me so uncomfortable and angry I just want to scream ‘F*** OFF!’ but that would only cause upset, unnecessary drama and give the ‘opposing team’ exactly what they want.
She chose to believe lies instead of truth, chose to surrender to manipulation instead of fighting it, and chose the side that she believed needed her the most.
Once upon a time I was vulnerable to the lies, tears, tantrums and manipulation of Icequeen too. Luckily Icequeen’s new mother-in-law, babydaddy and the rest of that family pushed me out thus forcing me to break ties. Back then I was heartbroken but ever since I have been happy and free knowing I am not a part of any of that distorted circle.
Even more so I am happy for the ‘opposing team’ just like mother-in-law and I had both predicted, they need her more than this “side” does.
As long as I can remember all Icequeen and babydaddy wanted was to be accepted by mother-in-law and her family. I remember telling Icequeen on many occasions that once she had a baby for babydaddy that fate would be sealed.
|Whatsapp Messenger Convo 05/07/2012|
|05/07/2012 10:23:22: Carley: I mean each to their own n everything but he asking for a baby and uve only bn together 4 n a half months?|
|05/07/2012 10:24:31: Carley: I can c why ppl are worried. But i know u too love each otha to the point u feel like u cant wait.|
|05/07/2012 10:25:15: Carley: Thats what it is mostly from what ive heard n e ways n as u know the whole chg in his behaviour.|
|05/07/2012 10:38:24: Carley: Its mad but once u lot hit the 1 yr mark n they realise how serious u guys r it will no doubt blow ova|
|05/07/2012 10:38:43: Carley: Or if u lot end up hvn a baby early on|
|05/07/2012 10:38:55: Carley: They will b forced to let u in|
|05/07/2012 10:39:07: Icequeen: Not likely if they think I’m changin him n tryin to trap him|
|05/07/2012 10:39:42: Icequeen: I wldnt talk to them jus cos I h v a baby|
|05/07/2012 10:39:55: Carley: Nah i mean as in once u lot hv a baby she/he will b family|
|05/07/2012 10:40:23: Carley: Yh but they wud start inviting u n wud desperately wanna b apart of ur life|
|05/07/2012 10:40:47: Icequeen: If they wanna talk about me fine but I won’t let them in for shit|
At the time Icequeen tried to act like she did not care and was not bothered by this and promised she would not let the family in once she did get pregnant and bear his child. However not only did she let them in, mother-in-law was right by her side when she went into labour and gave birth. Bonding them all for life. No doubt mother-in-law will also be there for their upcoming nuptials despite admitting how much she ‘disliked’ and ‘disrespected’ Icequeen and her relationship with her son.
My mother-in-law made it clear to me in one of our last conversations last year that my biggest problem was trying to repair relationships & friendships that were broken when I should make sure that once its broken or finished that it stays that way for good.
I cut ties with my mother-in-law about 7 months ago for good and made this clear to her.
This is the second time she has acted hypocritically. Telling me what my big problem is but then acting the same way?
While it is a shame the tattered relationship I now have or don’t have with my mother-in-law I wish her and the ‘opposing team’ the best of luck. I can take care of my own and do not need or want any help or involvement from mother-in-law or that side of the family.
The drama has long since been laid to rest between Icequeen, baby daddy and I and I wish to keep it that way.