Forever Friends

It is well known that I have had my share of toxic people and disastrous friendships in my life. I will admit those friendships that came to their timely demise they were not all to blame for the end of the friendship.

I have done things to these people that they have misread and misunderstood and therefore took as me trying to hurt them, and even though this has never been my intention you cant control peoples emotions, reactions or the way they think.

However the friendships I do have that have weathered the storms I really appreciate because whether there be tantrum, tears, heartache or drama these friends have always stuck by my side. They know the ‘real’ me and where they have openly admitted they don’t always understand certain parts of my character 100% or my lifestyle, they admit it doesn’t matter because they love me anyway because the one or two traits that I do have that they don’t understand does not make up my whole personality and is not the basis of our whole friendship.

I am proud to say I have friendships that have spanned a whole decade and more and I truly love them for everything they have done for me, inspired and supported me to be and thank them for keeping me sane and mostly keeping me grounded when I can get out of control.

Most of my whirlwind friendships have been with people that clash with my tame nature. I don’t like to argue and scream, I don’t like to fight or confront people. Whereas the the short-term friendships I have always seem to be with people that are quick tempered who enjoy a good screaming match or talking down of the other person they are in disagreement with in an argument.

It has been difficult for me because when disagreements arise I prefer to talk things out calmly whether that be face to face or via some form of communication. It is not that I don’t know how to ague, scream or talk down to someone, it is that I prefer to save this behaviour for where it is due. I save this sort of behaviour for people I don’t like, people I am on the verge of ‘hating’, ‘loathing’ even. Although I shouldn’t save that kind of behaviour for any given situation really as it is not nice or helpful.

Of course unfortunately sometimes things will get heated between me and a friend but I still don’t understand that if it is a minor situation or problem that can be fixed later on, or in fact something serious but not something you actually want to fall out over why go to the lengths of extreme aggression?

People wonder why I choose to write these stories, they think I am here to name and shame, humiliate my ex-friends, that I think I am better than the people I once knew or I write these stories because I think they are a ‘work of art’. This is not the case I am simply writing about things that I have been through in the past from my point of view (but I will admit there are two sides to every story and this is ONLY my side) this is also to help me learn from my mistakes, move on and focus on the good friendships that I do have.

Without further ado this is dedicated to some of  the greatest friends I have the pleasure and privileged of knowing and having in my life.

If I forget anyone out it’s not because I don’t love you, there’s just so many of you 🙂

In no particular order because I love you all equally:

Janice WalkerIMG_6721


One of the people I have known over a decade. She has stood by me through all types of crazy. She is like my wife she has been there through richer for poorer. When I was working and earning good wage we had some crazy fun. When I fell on hard times she brought food for my family, she kept me company to keep my spirits up, she offered me a home when I was homeless and did not ask me for a penny, when I lost a baby she hand delivered a ‘sorry for your loss’ card. There honestly is no one like Janice. I mostly tease her and people who don’t know us well think I’m so harsh on her but honestly I love her to bits she is part of my family.

Jasmine Foster jasmines 27th (78)

Yet another one I have known over a decade. She has stood by me though physical and mental illness. Taken care of my daughter when I needed a break but was too afraid to ask for help. Let me cry on her shoulder.  Stood up for me and thought battles I could not and has always been straight with me even when I didn’t want to hear it but needed too. I love her and her family so much, they have always treated me like one of their and made me feel a whole lot of love and welcome even when they have not realised how much I needed it.

Lucie Brownenme and lucie

Love Lucie so much I have her name inked on my ribs. Like me she is one of those people who always ‘keeps it real’. She is very honest, frank and upfront and I love that about her. She has been through so much in life but whatever and whenever she gets knocked down she comes back and get back up fighting stronger than before. I don’t know what it is about me and this girl and our money issues but even though we always seem to fall on hard times we can always laugh about it and still have a good time. She is god mother to my daughter and has been through so much with me without so much as a judgemental look.  I would do anything for this girl because I know she would do the same for me.

Shinel BantonCEP n SB


A friendship that has lasted a lifetime of ups and downs that not a lot of people understand, sometimes not even myself and her at times to be honest, but what will always remain is love, a mutual respect for one another and trust and as long as we have that we have a very good friendship. I love her and her daughter very much. They equally drive me crazy but love them none the less and we have been through what feels like a century of friendship, and even though there has, even been drama she is one the rare ones that fights to stay with me and in our friendship so it’s what makes me love and respect her even more. She is one of the best people in a crisis always there to save the day and lift me out of the darkness back into the lightness. She has taken care of both me, my daughter and sometimes even supported my husband when my bi-polar has put me so low I can’t even get my self out of bed.

Nikko, NK, Mercy & Katie

4 Women I have had the pleasure of meeting on the internet years ago that have turned out to be very good friends indeed.

Nikko 100_0965

Always brings me sunshine in my darkest hour. We both live very different lives and sometimes it can go months without me phoning her, or hearing from her but we never forget one another and when we catch up its very emotional, always fun and always makes us closer. I know she is always a phone call away and in emergency or in crisis I am never afraid to call on her or scared that I am disturbing her because she makes me feel that comfortable.

NKnk (2)


gave up everything she was doing to care for me when I lost a baby.  She has been through so many emotional rollercoasters with me and back and has never treated me like I am ‘crazy’ or ‘mental’ or though I have probably shown her sides of me that portray this. Not a lot of my other friends know her but she is there in the background but never forgotten.



She does not always understand my crazy but sticks around any way because she knows my dark depressive side is not the whole me just one part of me. We have had our difficulties but she is yet another friend who has such a strong bond with me that we can have our ‘words’ with one another let the emotions reach a climax than carry on being friends but from a stronger foundation.



one of the greatest loves of my life who lives a 3 hour journey away from me but whenever we speak its like she is right next to me. Whenever we meet which unfortunately isn’t always often its like we have never been parted. She listens to my constant whining, crying and anger at horrible situations I have been through, she cuddles me when I can’t even bring myself to speak. She is never judgemental.And she gives me straight up facts without having to be rude. She has the most beautiful soul I have ever encountered. Everything about her spirit is beautiful.

~Lady Blaze~

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One thought on “Forever Friends

  1. Pingback: Reflections | JOURNEY WITH CARLEY

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