Dear Shaun (2006)


I found this on my old laptop discs. It was a letter I wrote to Shaun just before Christmas 2006. I have written him many poems and love letters over the years.I love to re read them to see if anything has changed and to remind me why I fell in love with him back in 2003 and why I continue to fall in love with him continuously every year after that.

He will kill me for putting this letter up but then he will remember he loves me really hehe. For you my love…Shaun xxx

Thursday, 14 December 2006

Dear Shaun,

I fell in love with everything about from the first time I met you.
You are kind, sensitive, understanding – everything a person could possibly need or ever want from a partner.
For three years you have been the center of attention in my life, for three years certain people have given us grief because they were jealous of that fact, for three years you have made me the happiest woman alive.
I had been through so many things before I met you, good things, bad things, things I still can’t get over – but when I met you everything about my life seemed worth going through just because after all that had happened I met you.
You have been my rock when I could not be strong, you have listened when no one else would, you have helped me in so many ways when I could not help myself and taught my new things about life – things I thought I already knew.
You mean the world to me if you haven’t read between the obvious lines and realised this by now.
I would stick by you no matter what the situation because you are everything to me; my best friend, my lover and the father of our unborn child.
Fights will always be present amongst couples, siblings, family members and any other relationships you come across in today’s society. Fighting is not what worries me it’s what is said and what the outcome of an argument is.
Before I met you I did not always show my affection for loved ones the way I do now. So please forgive me if sometimes it feels as though I’m suffocating you with my love I just have this overwhelming feeling of passion when I’m around you – this is what you bring out of me.
I want you and I to last FOREVER that’s why I got your name tattooed on my shoulder. The tattoo is not just there to look pretty or because you’re my ‘current’ boyfriend that I THINK I’m in love with. The tattoo on my arm is a symbol of how much I feel for you always and forever. It’s there because I know and want you and the rest of the world to know how much I love you and what lengths I would go to for you.
You and I have created something so special, have come such a long way.

I am having your first child and although it will be expensive and a lot of hard work I wasn’t scared when I found out because I know you were going to be there for me to help me, protect me and make sure that everything is going to be alright.

At first I was worried you may not want to have a child at this age and at our current status but I was wrong and you were happy and it assured me even more that this is the right thing to do because you will be around forever.
No matter what the circumstances I will never take your child away so that you can’t see them everyday. If me and you don’t work out you will still be allowed access to your child everyday.
I just want our whole new family to be as happy as we can be together; that’s you, me and baby.
It’s hard when people suggest leaving you, just to get up and go because you and I share such a special bond. You and I have been through too much to just throw things away over petty arguments. Some might think I’m afraid to leave you because I’m afraid as a woman and a mother of being alone, and to be honest at first that’s exactly what I THOUGHT too. But I have come to realise that, that just is not the case at all what I am afraid of is loosing you; of loosing someone who has been there for me constantly for 3 years, of loosing someone who truly makes me feel whole, someone who is apart of me and without you I wouldn’t feel like a half person I would just feel like a no one like I don’t exist. Without you I am nothing. I hope this helps you understand how much I need you, want you and love you.
Carley xxx

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