I recently read an article ‘15 signs you shouldn’t marry him’ it was very insightful and inspired me to write this article. While the article states it’s about ‘him’ I would like to say that I think it should also be applied to a ‘her’. I was further inspired by a friends recent friendship break down to write why I felt that friendship is like a marriage.
A good marriage will have trust, respect, communication, and understanding and of course love.
Any good friendship has the same.
There are codes to friendships similar to the fact there are vows in marriage.
In marriage the most traditional vows are:
Promise to be true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. Love and honour all the days of each other’s life.
To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part.
In (female) friendship here are some basics I have found:
Never hate a woman you’ve never met, never date a friend’s ex, never reveal another female’s secret, never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar, never invite a friend’s enemy to a party, never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend, No hating on other women’s success, Figure out your group’s “man rules” before shit happens
One of the most difficult things I find about friendships, relationships and marriage is the dreaded ‘BREAK UP’ or ‘FALL OUT’.
When your friends with a mutual friend of someone else’s you can often find yourself playing piggy in the middle and eventually ultimately having to show your loyalty by picking a side. Unfortunately it’s not always possible to take the high road and “stay out of it” because the seriousness of the situation forces you and all people included to make a decision.
Jane and Gemma are Elizabeth’s best friends. Elizabeth has fallen out with Gemma and now Jane doesn’t know whether to stay friends with Gemma because originally she met Gemma through Elizabeth anyway.
In marriage where one has been unfaithful it’s easy to point fingers, judge and become bias but if you’re a good loyal friend you will know there is always ‘2 sides to every story’. I was recently caught up in such a situation and although it was about someone I deeply cared about I chose to hold my anger, listen and encourage my friend to dig deeper rather than make rash decisions. It would have been so easy to say ‘dump your partner, ‘leave’, ‘that person is a so and so’ but I didn’t because my friends happiness was more important to me. I could of picked my friends side but I decided what would this achieve if my friend decided she had in fact acted emotionally and rashly?
I believe those who call themselves “friends” and encourage more harm are not friends at all. Of course that was only one particular situation. There are more situations like the one above that differ in facts and so on, therefore it can make things more difficult. Although on a basic level I think a good friend is there to help you rather than make the situation worse. I am not saying tell your friends what they want to hear, that is a cardinal sin in friendship I am just saying always remember that your job as a friend is to encourage their strength, build them up and keep them happy not drag them down, depress them and kick them while they are down.
Like in marriage ‘Promise to be true in good times and in bad’ when your friend is going through a bad time support them in the same way you would in a good time.
Which brings me to my next point. ‘No hating on other women’s success’. Whether this be in love or business, it sickens me how women hate on other women when there is success. Women should band together in unity not cat fight or let jealousy and envy rear their ugly heads when another women especially a ‘Friend’ is successful.
I have seen it to many times to remember and been the victim of it myself once or twice. Its worse when you are friends with someone, good friends and suddenly they let their own demons, insecurities and jealously take over them so bad they just can’t bring themselves to be happy for you.
Oh you’re marrying him? You sure? I mean remember what he did you in the past? I personally wouldn’t marry someone like that because…
Unless there is serious imminent danger and so many damaging facts about why you can’t and won’t be happy for your friend I think people should sit down and keep quiet! Be happy for your friend or leave them the f*** alone.
Which brings me to quote one rule from the article I mentioned in the beginning ‘15 signs you shouldn’t marry him’,
“NOBODY LIKES THEM” – Is your boyfriend a well-liked guy? What do people usually think of him? What is the general, common opinion of him? Those are very important questions to consider. While everyone has someone that doesn’t like them, if your boyfriend is disliked by a lot of people, there is most likely a reason for that that you need to consider carefully.
I am strong believer in this one. This goes for like I said before women as well as men. This also goes for friendships too. I love the statement above because it rings true with both friendship and marriage. People will always have their opinions and that’s fine its human nature and hey it’s what my blog runs on. I feel everything is said in the above statement. No one is perfect and not everyone is going to like you, your friend or spouse but it is a HUGE warning sign if general opinion with FACTS I may add are more or less the same.
However if it’s just that one good friend who you trust and feel has an underlying motive for your destruction that person isn’t your friend. Unfortunately they are a wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing. Or as my followers from my blog last year who are now following me here will know, these are people I like to personally call F.A.B = FAKE ASS BITCHES. Get rid of them and never turn back.
Everybody could see that Gemma had turned into a full blown toxic friend to Elizabeth, but even with all the pushing, advice and facts, Elizabeth had been friends with Gemma for years and it was hard for Elizabeth to let go. The only way for Elizabeth to see the truth was to leave her to make up her own mind and finally see it for herself when she was ready…eventually she did and cut Gemma off for good.
Marriage and Friendship both take serious work.
It’s easy to enjoy the first few days, weeks, months or even years with a new friendship or loved one. It’s what comes in those testing times that will show everybody for who they really are and what they are made of.
It’s easy to say ‘I love you’ but it’s hard to maintain what should come with those words in form of action.
If someone has been there for you in sickness but suddenly there is a change when you’re fit and healthy again, think about it; misery loves company. Let them go.
If your friend or partner is the one who always seems to bring you more drama than good, think about it; do your bad times outweigh your good? IS this what you want? No. Let them go.
Be careful in who you consider in calling a “friend” be careful who you choose to marry, because both play a big element in shaping who you are and in shaping your future. Think to yourself do you want to be happy and free or do you want to be weighed down with burdens of what you feel you should do because of years spent together or obligations?