The Toxicity Returns…The long awaited Icequeen update

I have a dilemma that I would like as many opinions as possible (1)

Whether you comment below, email me or Facebook me (Facebook friends) etc I would genuinely like some feedback and help on the subject below.

As most of you know last year was filled with drama and toxicity for me due to two of the most toxic and aggressive people I have ever had the misfortune of knowing.

For those of you who don’t know a quick recap;

I had a friendship & loose relationship with Ice-queen.  Ice-queen went on to have a relationship with whom we refer to as Baby Daddy (the father of her newborn son and step-children) someone I had known for 9 years up until Ice-queen changed him into someone and something so evil, revengeful and spiteful I no longer recognised him.

Mine and Ice-queen’s relationship was a roller-coaster one at minimum and a volatile one at the most. When I had finally had enough of both our friendship and relationship and decided to walk away she decided to try her best to ruin my life and everything associated with it.

She turned Baby Daddy my “friend” of 9 years against me, convinced him that I was in fact the toxic one, convinced him I had seduced her mind, body and soul, and if that wasn’t enough convinced him to verbal abuse and attack me regularly and then threaten to harm me and my child (whom he had known since birth). She is so good at what she does she even took pride in twisting his mind against his family and making him estranged from them due to his behaviour and protectiveness over her for the best part of last year. Although now most of his family has accepted him and her back into their lives because of the new life they have created.

The best part was her reporting my previous blog and article to the police because it (boo hoo) upset her. When I was finally “tracked down” by the police after she and him convinced a family member to give up my details, (me and the constable had a good laugh about that one) she was satisfied thinking I would have got in big trouble by the authorities and we never heard from her again.

Believe it or not after all this I moved on, even took down the article and everything toxic related because I was done with her, him and that whole toxicity. However the thing about women and people like her they never go away. They need the spotlight constantly to feed them like you and I need oxygen.

However to bring us back to present day and my new dilemma as the toxic Ice-queen and her Baby Daddy returns; they have decided (only 3 months after the whole drama “ended”) to get engaged to be married as their son is soon to be making an appearance.

They were engaged/ announced this news on the very day of me and my husbands 10 year anniversary can you say “Happy Anniversary Carlita”, I prefer to say “how distasteful”. I am all for wishing them well and for wishing them the best but really? Coincidence? I think not.

If this wasn’t creepy enough even though once upon a time when we were friends she swore she would not take the family name what do y’all think she has decided to do now?

Yes now 7 months later after the whole sage, I have been informed she has submitted and decided to show her true envious colours and double barrel her name as did I when I married my husband and now our families would be tied together forever in holy matrimony.

I am happy that last year is behind me. I am happy that despite everything my ex-friend of 9 years got everything he wanted. A ready-made family, a housewife and baby mama, a few blood relatives lost along the way and a son to be born of the worthy Ice- queen soon to be his wife. I know it sounds sarcastic but seriously this is what he wanted and I have stopped judging that as we can’t choose or help the people we love.

However I don’t want their kind of lifestyle or the drama from the past linked with my present or future life. I don’t want my family being associated with their family. I have taken strict measures to make sure that they are not associated with that kind of life. In my (admittedly) selfishness I have restricted my daughter from contact with any member of that family, and made it clear my newborn son is not to be known by anyone of that family.

I was cast aside, disrespected and threatened all in protection of Ice-queen and Baby Daddy. As Baby daddy is the “baby” of the family so needed protection and Ice-queen is a master manipulator and liar everyone believed her stories over my facts.

Now the point of this article is I don’t want to share my family name with a family as toxic as Ice-queen and Baby Daddy. Since moving away from that part of my life I have been happier and so have my family. As most of you know we are expecting our own new addition to the family and I don’t want him burdened with a name associated with so much toxicity, drama and dread.

I want my double barrel removed and changed back to my maiden name. I want both my children and my husband to now go by either my families name or a different one completely, whichever so long as we are not tied to such a “shame”. I can’t hold my head proud with my husband’s name any more after the drama it was hard as it is. I wanted to change it back then but he convinced me not to.

I wanted to change it back then because I didn’t want my child/children to know that if something ever went wrong my husband’s family would not listen but cast them out in favour of lies and deceit instead of listen and stick by them like a family should.

My husband hates the fact that Ice-queen will always be tied to us through the newborn child she will soon give birth to and the name she is soon to take also, but he loves the fact our children have his name and that I his wife of 4 years tomorrow (4th February 2014) bares his name, and even more so that it ties us four together.

Makes me wonder for every anniversary will I get a new surprise? September which marks 11 years of my husband and I being in love what will they next announce, I’m sure Ice-Queen has many more tricks up her sleeve.

I understand what my husband is saying but do you understand what I am saying?

As above please feel free to email me, comment, Facebook  (Facebook friends) etc and let me know your feedback.


5 thoughts on “The Toxicity Returns…The long awaited Icequeen update

  1. Hey Love! I’m so happy to see you blogging again and this post is jammed packed with drama. After reading this, I can say this and I say with the utmost love and respect- LET IT GO! I understand that you don’t want to be associated with your former friend and the Ice-Queen and yes, it’s wrong that they announced their engagement on your 10 yr anniversary. Is it a coincidence? It could be but then again, it might not be. Sometimes, ma- you have to “let sleeping dogs lie.” One thing about letting go and moving on with your life is not looking back despite how tempting it might be. If they are not physically trying to move back into your life, then I suggest that you let it go. Dwelling on it is only going to make the situation worse for YOU not them. I understand that you don’t want to share your name with two people who have tried to ruin your life in the past, but look at the beautiful blessings in your life now. You have a beautiful family and new life coming into the world. You can even more blessings if you just let THIS aspect go. You say they’re toxic and you know what you do with toxic things? You rid yourself of them. I mean it sounds like the “Baby Daddy” is trying to do the right thing and marry the mother of his child and take on the role as a father to her other children, so you can’t knock that. We have to let go of the past, if we hold on too tight, we lose sight of what’s ahead of us. When we focus on what others are and aren’t doing, we can’t focus on our own destinies. I hope this helps you, love. Love you much. Stay blessed and beautiful 🙂


    • I am in tears. I know everything you say is correct! Love you so much for this I’m actually in the middle of catching up on your challenge hehe and then got this comment notification…another coincidence? hmm lol. Honestly I thought I had moved past it, I have been embracing and enjoying all my blessings and smiling like a crazy person everyday since. However I suppose when this got brought to my attention it stirred up some old emotions for a brief moment. I’m not angry though just genuinely stumped about whether I should change my name :s Last year I definitely learned not to hold onto anger because as you say and Buddha it hurts YOU (as in me) more than anyone else 🙂 love you lots and lots and lots you beautiful queen xxx


      • Aww, no tears ma. I just want you to be happy and to reserve those feelings for something that matters more. I did want to ask, how was this brought to your attention? Was it on FB or did someone tell you? I’m asking because there are ways to avoid both instances. If you saw it via FB, you can always “hide” notifications like that or simply block her and him from your FB page. If you don’t want to block them, you can just prevent from seeing their updates on your timeline easily. And if someone else told you this info, you can easily remove them from your life as well because you don’t need someone bringing you that mess. Also, don’t change your name. Think about why you got married in the first place ma, you got married to be with your husband forever, to take his name. Think of your family, your husband and your vows before you think about going back to your maiden name. That name is a gift and a reminder of the love that you share with him and no one else. I don’t want you to be hurt by someone else’s issues, you have so much going for you, ma. Please cherish that and get this mess outta your life. I love back times ten 🙂 ((HUGS))


  2. I’ve only just seen this…wake up Lucinda!
    I think unless hubby actually wants to change his name (but it doesn’t sound like he does) you should keep it. I understand you don’t want to be associated with certain people, but as long as they are not apart of your life, they are just another family with the same surname as you.
    It is important for men to have children that can carry on their family name, and although his family may not have good values, you say yours does. So it’s up to you to pass that love and closeness to your children so they can ‘in-taint’ the name they have.
    Nobody else matters other than you and your husband and children. YOU make your family, nobody else.
    So be proud to take his surname as he has always had it, yet is an amazing person, so it’s not ALL bad.
    Ps- whatever surname you choose is bound to also be owned by someone horrible somewhere in the world.
    Loves xxx


    • Must you make me cry? Damn you lovable people!!! lol. Thank you sweets your absolutely right!….Man i so wanted to be a ‘Mr and Mrs Smith’ hahaha. Love you soooooo much thank you again xxx


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